Two Posts, Two Days

I know, this is a surprise for me as well, but a second post in as many days. Its like a Christmas miracle. I just thought I would try and keep up on reporting my boring daily life as I go.

Yesterday was a normal payday. The money slipped into and out of my bank account so fast I couldn't even be sure I had it. Paid a little on credit, got the wife a haircut/bleach and dyed my hair black. I am now the evil whisper, a coworker thinks I need to grow back my goatee. Maybe I will, it will complete the look at least.

Work is going fairly well honestly. Another coworker of mine got hired at the DCAA. She is taking a 5% paycut this year, but after one year with the feds she will shoot up to GS-11. This means she will be making about 10k more than me. In another year she will be a GS-12 and that will pay about 20k more than me a year. She will wrap up the quick rise as a GS-13 in 3 years and that is making about 40k more than me. The DCAA opened up application process through October for next year. I think I will apply. It means if I got hired in the next round it would be about this time of year and I will have hit my fifth year here at SAO, thus vesting the retirement I have put in.

Gaming life is going pretty slow at the moment. I had to put one of our games on hold until fall at least (I suspect when I start the second game again in the fall it will be Shadowrun, I just can't get enough interest in the GURPS Partisan game). Also in the three months wife and I are developing the online capability. I know I have several people available online, so we will see how that goes.

Relationship wise things are great. The wife and I are getting along fabulously, and I go on vacation starting Saturday. We also went to the Everett Poly Munch last Friday. That was pretty cool. We met several nice people and we may do breakfast with them at the Hitching Post on Sunday. We also got invited to a lot of different events. I am still a little nervous about that, but I am taking it slowly and if I don't feel comfortable I won't do it.

Well, thats it for now. Better get to work 🙂

Productive Day and Strange Week

This morning has already been extremely productive (and I haven't even hit 9am here). I woke up at 5am bright and bushy. This is strange considering I have quit coffee and my tea isn't the largest habit. I woke up, fixed myself some oatmeal, worked on my CPA study material for about an hour and then deleted almost 2,000 duplicate photos in my iPhoto. I then backed up my photos. At this point I turned on Burt Lancaster's 1964 movie "The Train" because I felt in the mood for an old school World War II movie. I then got on my exercise bike and did 30 minutes there.  Then I showered and am now backing up the rest of my stuff and I should be good to go, all before 9am.

Earlier this week was a little strange. I have been working out in a county school district doing their annual audit. Wednesday I got to work and noticed two older high school girls standing outside the window. They were probably 16-18 range. The little blonde noticed and and walked up and knocked on the window. I looked up and she waved at me. I smiled back and waved. Something told me I had just done the wrong thing.

After the next period (I could hear the bells) the girl shows up with three of her friends. They all knock, wave and giggle. I am now uncomfortable. There is something very predatory about a gaggle of teenage girls. I have always been uncomfortable being looked at by teenage girls, first in high school because I was attracted to them and felt shy, now because I am old enough to be their dad and am even more weirded out (not for the same reason). The flirting then commenced for the next 2 hours. I ignored them and didn't respond but they came by every break. One of the admin people at the office commented that something had the girls in a strange mood.

This eventually stopped when another auditor arrived (a woman) and they left me alone for the day. Of course  gave me a hard time. At least I am not stupid enough like many guys to think they liked me (nor would I want them to). Its just a pack of girls testing out social boundaries. However, this morning I hadn't had caffeine and I wasn't in the mood to be nice (but I wasn't mean). As I walked up to the building with my laptop the blonde came running over. She started asking me questions but I shushed her and said I had a question. She stopped and a huge smile came across her face. I then asked her what lipstick she was wearing, she said something (but I have no idea what it was except red). I smiled at her and said thank you, that my boyfriend would really love that color.

I had never intended to say that, I was tired and wasn't thinking and that came out of my mouth. She just stared at me for a second, then the howls of laughter started up from her friends behind her. The laughter wasn't directed at me, it was directed at her. I had evidently won some sort of exchange (not sure what it was). I wandered into the building and haven't seen hide nor hair of her the rest of the week. Part of me feels a little bad, but I don't have the time to deal with it, and honestly last thing I need is someone else seeing me talk to a high school girl.

Other than that, everything has been going fairly well. I hear the wife moving around so I should go 🙂

 

Frustrations

Well this wasn't the update I wanted to post, but its funny how things happen so close together.

First let me say I know my family loves me, I love them, but they are by far one of the most dysfunctional groups I have ever known. Lets give you a brief recap of my family before I vent.
 
Parents: Father is a Vietnam Vet with a long prison/police record for violence(but for the record never sexual/physicall abused us, and the name calling only happend when he was drunk). In my early life he worked constantly and did well, my last 20 years or so he became unfortunately a raging alcoholic who after getting put away for a DUI has been sober (from alcohol) for over 2 years. My mother is a sweetheart, never did anything bad except a constant habit of asking for stuff from me, but thats easily satisfied, she has been a good mother albeit now she has diabetes and had a heart attack last summer (but the doctors were surprised no damage and they dont think she will have any more problems, and this was a serious only 20% live heart attack she had). Unfortunatley my parents have done/sold/excessed every drug known to man.
 
Sister: Loves me, I know it, has two kids (one feral one not, the not one I am sure will be gay when he is 16). Followed my parents footsteps, is an alcoholic, cant keep a job and really only calls me for help.
 
Brother: Same as sister except he sometimes shows remarkable clarity and wants to clean his life up, biggest problem is he is a lazy ass who doesn't like to work.
 
By the way, in the 17 years I have worked on my own, I have never ever once asked my siblings for a dime, a ride or anything. NOT EVER. (and actually I have loaned my parents money 20 times more then I have ever gotten from them and same with rides/etc). Thats why this is so frustrating.
 
There is more about the family, but I realized that would take up way too much space.
 
So this morning I get up super early, my mom asked me to give her a ride over to the Salvation Army so they can pick up a chair, no problems, I don't mind doing that at all. So I get up super early, call them at the time I am supposed to be there because I have this sinking feeling that they are on a "run" (non alcoholic, but on other things, not meth though). My dad answeres the phone and immediately I know they are jagged and not going. He kinda rambles on about not needing me today and I quickly get off the phone because I hate talking to him when he is ramped up. My mom is asleep and she called later, everything is cool. So I got up early for nothing (albeit I have been working on MU's backend and its going to fucking rock). 
 
Ten minutes later I get a call from my sister. I was surprised and hopeful she just wanted to say hi. I should have known, her first words were, "Can I borrow $20 until tommorrow". I normally would probably do it, she is good at paying back usually but I am broke. I told her so and she accepted it gracefully but I could tell she didn't believe I was broke, so this frustrated me even more.
 
Five minutes after that I get a call from my brother. His first words are "What you doing today?" I explained that I am going to work (and I have a feeling he is going to ask for something). His next words are he needs me to come over and fix his computer. I tell him I would be happy to do that but it might be Saturday before I can come over (tonight when I get home from work I have to spend with wifey since she is off) and I am not sure if I will be able to make it over there later (he constantly nags me to give him things, fix his computer, etc and I just wasn't sure when I wanted to commit to going over there since thats all he usually wants from me). He has a fit and asks why cant I come over there after work tonight, I try to explain but he is still having a cow. I ask him "are you paying me to do this?" because now I am feeling taken advantage of, and he starts throwing a bigger hissy fit. Now after the previous two phone calls and his fit throwing I lose my temper and say "fix it yourself" and hang up. Of course he calls back, wondering if we are going to work things out I answer and he says "fine I will" and hangs up.
 
So, all three of my blood-family groups have been fucktards today (although my parents less so – they didn't say anything or do anything bad, they just didn't follow through). Why is it the only family around me that doesnt piss me off is my non-blood family whom I am feeling closer to then my blood.
 
on a side note, my mom just woke up and called me, my parents don't intentionally fuck around, just sometimes they get too "involved" in partying and fuck up. Things are good with them, but this is all just so frustrating.
 
Never have I ever asked my siblings for anything, its that much more frustrating (not a dime, not a ride, nothing)
 

Tired

Once again 4am I was awake with nightmares, after about an hour and the wife getting up and punching me for waking up I finally fell back to sleep. Of course I woke up at 7am again with another nightmare, its kinda bizarre though. They aren't "bloody chainsaw death" type nightmares, rather just dreams of my friends and family passing away. I think its probably the stress and anxiety causing this considering no one I know who I dreamt about dying will probably die for another 20 years at least if not longer. I think its just upcoming school, living situation changing, work (gave notice) and overall stress, not eating well and not going to sleep at a decent time. Oh and not enough caffiene, that always gets me.

I also wonder if its because I am working through not ever having kids. I have been reading some webstuff about couples who decide not to have kids and I think I am working through all the dogma I have ever heard about not having kids. The biggest dogma crap thing I hear about is how if you dont have kids you will die alone. Well since the wife worked in a nursing home I have heard stories on how "respectful" children can be, mostly by asking if they can take thier parents off life support so they can just get it over with (it didnt sound like they were concerned about pain and suffering of thier parent, rather they wanted to inherit stuff before all the money was gone). Or worse yet, I have seen many older people put in nursing homes and then forgotten by thier kids. It seems to me such a horrible waste for kids to do that to thier parents but it looks like even if you have kids you still may die alone, or even worse, die with them saying nasty things and hoping you will die.
 
I guess its not so bad to not have kids, besides we are going to be the rich and crazy uncle/aunt for our nieces and nephews. LOL buying thier love with exotic trinkets, spoil them rotten and send them home. Plus there is a possible daughter I have out there but the mother never let me verify it when we broke up :(.
 
I guess I am just in a melancholy mood, I hate feeling alone.
 

Early Wakeup

Well woke up just before 5am, due to anxiety dreams about my parents getting old and dying (and me getting old and being alone). I been having these on and off all fall. I think its partially because I am not working and worried about money.

Partially I think my subconcious is mourning that I will never have kids. Dont get me wrong, I am totally happy with just me and the wife but society pounds the whole idea of must having kids into your head so much I think this is one of the reasons why I have the dreams.
 
I also believe its because of school. I am stressed about my math class, and I am stressed that this is taking so long. I am sooo tired of hours of study but not a dime in paycheck :).
 
The final reason I think I am getting the dreams is for the first time in over a decade my parents are taking care of themselves. Before this they always needed money, or help or something, but for the last 3 months they have been doing better then me and my wife. LOL its almost the same thing parents go through when thier kids dont need thier help, grow up and move away.
 
Nevermind me, just rambling.