Two Posts, Two Days

I know, this is a surprise for me as well, but a second post in as many days. Its like a Christmas miracle. I just thought I would try and keep up on reporting my boring daily life as I go.

Yesterday was a normal payday. The money slipped into and out of my bank account so fast I couldn't even be sure I had it. Paid a little on credit, got the wife a haircut/bleach and dyed my hair black. I am now the evil whisper, a coworker thinks I need to grow back my goatee. Maybe I will, it will complete the look at least.

Work is going fairly well honestly. Another coworker of mine got hired at the DCAA. She is taking a 5% paycut this year, but after one year with the feds she will shoot up to GS-11. This means she will be making about 10k more than me. In another year she will be a GS-12 and that will pay about 20k more than me a year. She will wrap up the quick rise as a GS-13 in 3 years and that is making about 40k more than me. The DCAA opened up application process through October for next year. I think I will apply. It means if I got hired in the next round it would be about this time of year and I will have hit my fifth year here at SAO, thus vesting the retirement I have put in.

Gaming life is going pretty slow at the moment. I had to put one of our games on hold until fall at least (I suspect when I start the second game again in the fall it will be Shadowrun, I just can't get enough interest in the GURPS Partisan game). Also in the three months wife and I are developing the online capability. I know I have several people available online, so we will see how that goes.

Relationship wise things are great. The wife and I are getting along fabulously, and I go on vacation starting Saturday. We also went to the Everett Poly Munch last Friday. That was pretty cool. We met several nice people and we may do breakfast with them at the Hitching Post on Sunday. We also got invited to a lot of different events. I am still a little nervous about that, but I am taking it slowly and if I don't feel comfortable I won't do it.

Well, thats it for now. Better get to work 🙂

Productive Day and Strange Week

This morning has already been extremely productive (and I haven't even hit 9am here). I woke up at 5am bright and bushy. This is strange considering I have quit coffee and my tea isn't the largest habit. I woke up, fixed myself some oatmeal, worked on my CPA study material for about an hour and then deleted almost 2,000 duplicate photos in my iPhoto. I then backed up my photos. At this point I turned on Burt Lancaster's 1964 movie "The Train" because I felt in the mood for an old school World War II movie. I then got on my exercise bike and did 30 minutes there.  Then I showered and am now backing up the rest of my stuff and I should be good to go, all before 9am.

Earlier this week was a little strange. I have been working out in a county school district doing their annual audit. Wednesday I got to work and noticed two older high school girls standing outside the window. They were probably 16-18 range. The little blonde noticed and and walked up and knocked on the window. I looked up and she waved at me. I smiled back and waved. Something told me I had just done the wrong thing.

After the next period (I could hear the bells) the girl shows up with three of her friends. They all knock, wave and giggle. I am now uncomfortable. There is something very predatory about a gaggle of teenage girls. I have always been uncomfortable being looked at by teenage girls, first in high school because I was attracted to them and felt shy, now because I am old enough to be their dad and am even more weirded out (not for the same reason). The flirting then commenced for the next 2 hours. I ignored them and didn't respond but they came by every break. One of the admin people at the office commented that something had the girls in a strange mood.

This eventually stopped when another auditor arrived (a woman) and they left me alone for the day. Of course  gave me a hard time. At least I am not stupid enough like many guys to think they liked me (nor would I want them to). Its just a pack of girls testing out social boundaries. However, this morning I hadn't had caffeine and I wasn't in the mood to be nice (but I wasn't mean). As I walked up to the building with my laptop the blonde came running over. She started asking me questions but I shushed her and said I had a question. She stopped and a huge smile came across her face. I then asked her what lipstick she was wearing, she said something (but I have no idea what it was except red). I smiled at her and said thank you, that my boyfriend would really love that color.

I had never intended to say that, I was tired and wasn't thinking and that came out of my mouth. She just stared at me for a second, then the howls of laughter started up from her friends behind her. The laughter wasn't directed at me, it was directed at her. I had evidently won some sort of exchange (not sure what it was). I wandered into the building and haven't seen hide nor hair of her the rest of the week. Part of me feels a little bad, but I don't have the time to deal with it, and honestly last thing I need is someone else seeing me talk to a high school girl.

Other than that, everything has been going fairly well. I hear the wife moving around so I should go 🙂

 

Frustrations

Well this wasn't the update I wanted to post, but its funny how things happen so close together.

First let me say I know my family loves me, I love them, but they are by far one of the most dysfunctional groups I have ever known. Lets give you a brief recap of my family before I vent.
 
Parents: Father is a Vietnam Vet with a long prison/police record for violence(but for the record never sexual/physicall abused us, and the name calling only happend when he was drunk). In my early life he worked constantly and did well, my last 20 years or so he became unfortunately a raging alcoholic who after getting put away for a DUI has been sober (from alcohol) for over 2 years. My mother is a sweetheart, never did anything bad except a constant habit of asking for stuff from me, but thats easily satisfied, she has been a good mother albeit now she has diabetes and had a heart attack last summer (but the doctors were surprised no damage and they dont think she will have any more problems, and this was a serious only 20% live heart attack she had). Unfortunatley my parents have done/sold/excessed every drug known to man.
 
Sister: Loves me, I know it, has two kids (one feral one not, the not one I am sure will be gay when he is 16). Followed my parents footsteps, is an alcoholic, cant keep a job and really only calls me for help.
 
Brother: Same as sister except he sometimes shows remarkable clarity and wants to clean his life up, biggest problem is he is a lazy ass who doesn't like to work.
 
By the way, in the 17 years I have worked on my own, I have never ever once asked my siblings for a dime, a ride or anything. NOT EVER. (and actually I have loaned my parents money 20 times more then I have ever gotten from them and same with rides/etc). Thats why this is so frustrating.
 
There is more about the family, but I realized that would take up way too much space.
 
So this morning I get up super early, my mom asked me to give her a ride over to the Salvation Army so they can pick up a chair, no problems, I don't mind doing that at all. So I get up super early, call them at the time I am supposed to be there because I have this sinking feeling that they are on a "run" (non alcoholic, but on other things, not meth though). My dad answeres the phone and immediately I know they are jagged and not going. He kinda rambles on about not needing me today and I quickly get off the phone because I hate talking to him when he is ramped up. My mom is asleep and she called later, everything is cool. So I got up early for nothing (albeit I have been working on MU's backend and its going to fucking rock). 
 
Ten minutes later I get a call from my sister. I was surprised and hopeful she just wanted to say hi. I should have known, her first words were, "Can I borrow $20 until tommorrow". I normally would probably do it, she is good at paying back usually but I am broke. I told her so and she accepted it gracefully but I could tell she didn't believe I was broke, so this frustrated me even more.
 
Five minutes after that I get a call from my brother. His first words are "What you doing today?" I explained that I am going to work (and I have a feeling he is going to ask for something). His next words are he needs me to come over and fix his computer. I tell him I would be happy to do that but it might be Saturday before I can come over (tonight when I get home from work I have to spend with wifey since she is off) and I am not sure if I will be able to make it over there later (he constantly nags me to give him things, fix his computer, etc and I just wasn't sure when I wanted to commit to going over there since thats all he usually wants from me). He has a fit and asks why cant I come over there after work tonight, I try to explain but he is still having a cow. I ask him "are you paying me to do this?" because now I am feeling taken advantage of, and he starts throwing a bigger hissy fit. Now after the previous two phone calls and his fit throwing I lose my temper and say "fix it yourself" and hang up. Of course he calls back, wondering if we are going to work things out I answer and he says "fine I will" and hangs up.
 
So, all three of my blood-family groups have been fucktards today (although my parents less so – they didn't say anything or do anything bad, they just didn't follow through). Why is it the only family around me that doesnt piss me off is my non-blood family whom I am feeling closer to then my blood.
 
on a side note, my mom just woke up and called me, my parents don't intentionally fuck around, just sometimes they get too "involved" in partying and fuck up. Things are good with them, but this is all just so frustrating.
 
Never have I ever asked my siblings for anything, its that much more frustrating (not a dime, not a ride, nothing)
 

Tired

Once again 4am I was awake with nightmares, after about an hour and the wife getting up and punching me for waking up I finally fell back to sleep. Of course I woke up at 7am again with another nightmare, its kinda bizarre though. They aren't "bloody chainsaw death" type nightmares, rather just dreams of my friends and family passing away. I think its probably the stress and anxiety causing this considering no one I know who I dreamt about dying will probably die for another 20 years at least if not longer. I think its just upcoming school, living situation changing, work (gave notice) and overall stress, not eating well and not going to sleep at a decent time. Oh and not enough caffiene, that always gets me.

I also wonder if its because I am working through not ever having kids. I have been reading some webstuff about couples who decide not to have kids and I think I am working through all the dogma I have ever heard about not having kids. The biggest dogma crap thing I hear about is how if you dont have kids you will die alone. Well since the wife worked in a nursing home I have heard stories on how "respectful" children can be, mostly by asking if they can take thier parents off life support so they can just get it over with (it didnt sound like they were concerned about pain and suffering of thier parent, rather they wanted to inherit stuff before all the money was gone). Or worse yet, I have seen many older people put in nursing homes and then forgotten by thier kids. It seems to me such a horrible waste for kids to do that to thier parents but it looks like even if you have kids you still may die alone, or even worse, die with them saying nasty things and hoping you will die.
 
I guess its not so bad to not have kids, besides we are going to be the rich and crazy uncle/aunt for our nieces and nephews. LOL buying thier love with exotic trinkets, spoil them rotten and send them home. Plus there is a possible daughter I have out there but the mother never let me verify it when we broke up :(.
 
I guess I am just in a melancholy mood, I hate feeling alone.
 

Early Wakeup

Well woke up just before 5am, due to anxiety dreams about my parents getting old and dying (and me getting old and being alone). I been having these on and off all fall. I think its partially because I am not working and worried about money.

Partially I think my subconcious is mourning that I will never have kids. Dont get me wrong, I am totally happy with just me and the wife but society pounds the whole idea of must having kids into your head so much I think this is one of the reasons why I have the dreams.
 
I also believe its because of school. I am stressed about my math class, and I am stressed that this is taking so long. I am sooo tired of hours of study but not a dime in paycheck :).
 
The final reason I think I am getting the dreams is for the first time in over a decade my parents are taking care of themselves. Before this they always needed money, or help or something, but for the last 3 months they have been doing better then me and my wife. LOL its almost the same thing parents go through when thier kids dont need thier help, grow up and move away.
 
Nevermind me, just rambling.

Red Headed Meth Surprise

 

Well this morning I left my house at 7am to go visit my parents before school. Things proceeded well until my trip home via the bus.  Now let me give you some background on the two buses that go by our trailer. The two routes are just mirrors of each other, they only go once an hour and they mostly provide transportation for 2 mental health services.
 
What does this mean to you you may ask? It means the bus is always full of people who have mental problems. Dont get me wrong, I never have a problem riding the bus with people who have problems, some of the nicest people are mentally handicapped. The problem is many of these "head cases" are not physically handicapped (or mentally, brain wise handicapped) rather they are drug users who are ordered by the court system to go to counseling. This results in an unusual amount of memorable experiences on this bus route.
 
Well at 9am on my way home I am sitting in the back of the bus, trying not to notice that the entire bus smells like ass, its 90 degrees in there and many people who dont shower (not cuz they are homeless, just that they are dirty). My attention was drawn to a red head that came on the bus. Now something you should know right off, I have always been attracted to red heads, they seem to be attracted back to me, and they almost always are pyscho and the worst possible thing for me.
 
Now this red head walks down a mostly empty bus and decides to sit right beside me. She turns to me and smiles. Now she would be considered cute, she was probably taller by an inch or two then Wife she was incredibly thin and had huge breasts (I pretty much tagged her as a stripper at first so I figure those are fake, which is fine). After she sits I notice she probably hasn't showered in awhile. Dont get me wrong, I like the smell of girls but she had an acidy smell that I associate with someone who is coming down from a hit of acid (they have a particular odor, not stinky BO, its more of a chemical smell), I have also noticed this smell on people who do a lot of Meth. Well she turned to me and smiled and I noticed she wasn't just thin, but Auschwitz thin. Her skin was drawn back against her body and I could have probably fit her entire body under my shirt. I also noticed her hair was unwashed and had a greasy texture in it. She wore jeans and a t-shirt but she was way too skinny (I love girls who have hips).
 
The first thing she does is turn to me, smile and then run her hand through my blue hair. She muttered something about how cute it was. I was frozen in shock. This was the first time I disliked having my hair touched like that (a lot of times the Japanese exchange students, mostly girls, ask to touch it and then titter and never had a problem with that). She then asked if I had a cigarette. I told her no I didnt and I went back to looking out the window. After a couple minutes I realized she was continuing to speak to me. She asked me what was I doing tonight?
 
My first words out of my mouth was "Not you"
 
I then realized how rude that was but she didnt catch it, or understand it, or even care (maybe she then thought it was a challenge). She then continued to talk to me and occaisionally brush her hand against me. Now normally I am a very crude, and forward man. I can dish out insults and I have never had a problem stepping up to the biggest guy if needed. However this girl was freaking me out. Fortunately her stop (at the minimart I used to work at) came and she got off. She muttered something about maybe seeing me later. Then my stop came and I got off the bus and ran home to the wife. This made me definately happy I was married.
 
Funny thing is, I was positive if I told her I had a $5 rock in my pocket she would have given me a BJ right there.
 
That was a definite strange encounter and it just shows me redheads are my bane.
 

Typical

Well, here I am venting my frustration about my living situation. First I want to make clear that my roommate Weylin is one of my best friends and one of the best roommates I have had.

However, here is the situation and why I am so frustrated.

When we moved in together we asked Weylin to make sure if he could give us a quarter's notice (90 days) if he was going to move out. Now that's more then anyone technically needs to do but with our finances so precariously balanced we need as much notice as possible to make sure everything goes through, Weylin said he was more then happy to do that.

Well Weylin has indicated that October he may move out (although never clearly made that the deadline, he has hummed and hawed about it saying it would be at least October before he moved if not longer). Well I find out three days ago that he may want to move out mid September and was curious if he could only pay half a month's rent for September. Now don't get me wrong its fine if he moves out. But he cant give me a definite answer on when he will move out so now I got to assume he is out September 15th so I don't spend the money badly. My biggest issue is sure, I can knock half the rent off for him moving out but only half of his monthly payment is rent, the other half is all the other bills (internet, cable, phone, electricity, etc) and I technically should only knock $90 bucks off what he would owe me for leaving early (because the rest of the half's month of expenses are for bills accrued in August which he was here fully). I will probably knock off the whole half amount because he is a friend but once again when roomates out it smacks me in the ass.

We had planned that if in September if we got enough student loans to live by ourselves we were going to give Weylin at least 3 months notice to move out (and maybe 6 months if he needed it. Yet it seems 90-day notice isn't reciprocal. I would never dream before this situation of giving less then 3 months notice to whoever lived with us.

The worst part about this is Weylin wont actually come talk to us, we find out they are planning on moving out by reading his girlfriend's Lisa LJ and then I have to confront him about what's going on. Not once has he come forward to keep us informed on what's happening. I realize its probably because he is worried we will be mad, but what makes me mad is I have to approach him about when he is moving, he should be man enough to walk up to us and explain what is going on and not have me approach him about it.

Don't get me wrong, I still consider Weylin one of my best friends and this doesn't undercut that at all, I have lived with him before and its all good. I just wish Weylin wouldn't be so passive about what's going on.

I do think I might tell Weylin that he needs to move by October 1st, evidently the 90 days notice isn't a point anymore and maybe its just good to remove all roommate type situations now.

Once again I need to make absolutely clear is that I am more frustrated that Weylin will not actually come out and talk to us on his own about the situation and keep us informed. That is more frustrating then actually quibbling over whether or not he is staying til October 1st.

I guess I am just pissed he wont just talk to us about it, I have to follow him around and try to force the conversation.

Feeling like crap

This morning I woke up feeling like shit physically, mentally and emotionally. I probably will call the boys in a little bit and cancel hanging out. I think I got a cold, combine that with the shit my sister pulled and the stress I am feeling about my dad being in jail all in all makes me a nasty guy at the moment.

I hate the world and I am just hoping someone gives me lip so I can beat them into the ground (ok I wont, and I know thats a bad thing, but thats the crappy mood I am in).
 
I am a little stressed about our car situation, its not for me or the wife, we both do fine without a car, its my mom, she has some major surgical stuff coming up and my dumbass meth-head sister is never reliable to her or my dad. I get worried on how she will get places. I probably wont try and get the car fixed, its just something I am a little fixated on and worried about.
 
I have thought about it and I have to put my tattoo off til at least March (unless I get a job before then, then I can spend money on Tats). I do have the money in my pocket for the outlining of it, but I dont feel I can contribute that money for it, <lj site="livejournal.com" user="girlygoat">'s back is hurting and she is saving up for a mattress that will help, and honestly as far as priorities go she is my ultimate number one priority, I would drop anything in my life for her needs and would kill someone for her if it was needed (and there are people out there rolling thier eyes about that, lol its funny because its true). I lucked out when I found someone to be so devoted to that she doesn't take advantage of it. She needs a good mattress and her feeling better physically means she is happier which in the end makes me happier (improves her moods, we get along better and hell if her back is not hurting sex isn't such a hard thing to come by hehe).
 
I am also slightly frustrated with my clan, dont get me wrong I have a reliable core (Yog, Astarte, Deep One, Tsathoggua, Nng and a couple of others) but the rest only bitch about wanting admin access and how they try to split hairs on the requirements for the clan. I have the strongest urge to go through and fire 50% of the clan just to par it down, but I wont. I feel I need to do it right and give them every opportunity to show me they want to be in it for any other reason then admin access on the public server. If finances are poor next quarter they will be surprised when I reduce the server to a 12 man private server for matches only, Some would say but "Lilith is already paying for a 12 man private server" but if I reduced it down I would have her stop paying as I think its my responsibility to provide the server and no sense in having two private servers unless we branched out into DoD (which I wouldnt mind). On a good note practices have been extremely good, a large turnout and people seem excited about the upcoming competitions. I think Nng is right, I am too nice sometimes, maybe I will cut that back.
 
As for the rest of my personal life in this crappy mood I am in consists mostly of C++ projects and ASP.Net projects (which when I learn ASP will rock, because then I can program a database for Dying Light that is self updating and completely set up so anyone can access thier characters on the internet, buy thier own skills and print out thier own tags before game. Thus reducing Logistics to new players and me maintaining the database and ensuring no errors occur. WOOOT totally automated and accurate logistics I can not even imagine that.
 
Well Crappiness is still with me, better contact the boys.