Well I woke up this morning and am getting ready to go to a friend’s play that he has been practicing on for the last 3 months. I found out that the other friends in the group have made absolutely no effort to get tickets to go to the play. This got me to thinking of what different people consider friendship and what is important to them. I am going to cut the majority of this post because I already know its probably going to be long. Don’t read it unless you want to hear a rant and those that are involved should beware of the rant as well and not take it too personally (or maybe they should).
Well here is the whole of the story. Our friend has been doing practices and recitals for this play for what seems like months now. He has been working his ass off and has been obviously excited about doing it. He asked the five of us to go to the play (the whole group of friends) several weeks ago, me and the wife were both extremely interested. A third friend of ours had to work but was as well interested. However we have two friends who showed just as much interest as goat and me. Yet today I found they have not bothered to secure tickets or even try. Its not that the cant afford it, there was a free showing on Friday if it was a matter of money and they also could have asked me and I would have helped out just so we could go see our friends play.
In fact I would lay odds that all they did yesterday was play video games and sit in the house. I get confused by this, I have learned from a small child that if you claim someone as your friend and if they become involved in an activity that is obviously important to them, that you should make an attempt to go to the play, sports activity or whatever they do. Obviously this is not the same view shared by everyone. I know for a fact that if one of the two who blew off our friend J. (name not completed to protect the innocent) had a show (he is a singer) I would have made every attempt to go to his show as well. Yet the two of them have made no effort to my knowledge of going to J's play.
Now don’t get me wrong, if either of them had anything important to do I would have understood but neither of them works, and to my knowledge they had no family obligations they had to attend. Yet they totally blow off a mutual friend's event.
Honestly this got me thinking about things that have occurred over the past few months. These two friends on a normal basis blow off doing things, or more often then that they will tell me they will be somewhere and I usually end up having to call them up and wake them a half an hour after they were supposed to have met me.
Yes sometimes it’s one or the other's faults but generally neither of them has the sense to at least call me and cancel.
The very frustrating part about this is that I will wait for them for hours past when they say they will be there. They don’t bother to call me and the only way I can confirm they are not coming is by calling them. Funny thing is I always get excuses like, “I didn’t wake up”,“I was playing Counter-Strike”, “I was playing Battlfield 1942”,“I was playing DAOC”, “I was tired of driving in traffic”, “I was picking my nose and it took a long time”. Well ok that last comment was never made but they almost absolutely ever call to say they are not coming over so we sit and wait while they get absorbed in whatever little thing they are doing. Actually I can only think of twice in the last year and a half that they have called me to say they would be late.
Another example of my frustration is with our online CS clan. Everyone wanted to be in a competitive league that is operated much like a sports league. So the decision was made that people who want in need to play on the server at least 7 hours a week and attend at least one practice a week so we can get good and actually do well in this league. Both of these people are in the clan I run. They know I put a lot of money into the server on a monthly basis and that all I ask is for them to play 7 hours a week on it and to try and make practices (they do sometimes make practices). Yet they constantly get caught up doing other things, which honestly is fine if they would just tell me to my face they are not interested in the clan, but they don’t do that. A week ago this Sunday is a prime example. Here is a short rendition of the conversation we had.
Catholic Sin: Heya Friend 1, you know you only got 2 hours of CS in this week, you really need to at least try and get 7 in by server update tonight.
Friend 1: What? But I just bought Battlefield 1942
Catholic Sin: But I got to treat you like everyone else in the clan, you have had a full week, you don’t work, and you only had 2 days of school. Could you please at least try to make the 7 or if you are not interested tell me, we have been trying to organize for weeks and you haven't made your quota in two weeks?
Friend 1: I guess I could try it.
Catholic Sin: Great, thanks.
Of course in the end Friend 1 never even attempted to do anything and just smiled at me when I asked him about it. It really pisses me off that he didn’t even think anything about it and didn’t have the balls to tell me he wasn't going to do it when I asked him about it.
Also a lot of the time it felt like they were using my friendship with them in order to get away with behavior that I would have booted out others for. Hell after a specific match when BOTH of them just totally ignored me I had several members of the clan asking why don’t I just kick them out. I explained they are personal friends and I am sure they didn’t mean it that way. However several of our clan members believed they were taking advantage of the friendship and I sometimes wonder that myself.
Actually I am rambling a bit, let me sum this up in a concise way.
1. I believe if a friend is in need, or is doing something that s/he considers important and wants me there to watch, that it is my duty as a friend to try everything in my power to help them or attend the event or whatever, as long as more pressing duties on me are not there.
2. I notice some friends follow this idea, J I am positive would be there if I asked him for help or for him to do stuff with me that was important.
3. I notice some friends only do this if its convenient for them, however if they want to play a computer game or sleep, or even pick their noses they put that above what they promise someone else. They just don’t show the same values for friendship.
I have a whole rant of theories on why they are different in their behavior then me, goat, and J. I will probably go more into that later since I have to head out for J’s play.
Well needless to say I am pissed that J's friends other then me and the wife blew off our friends play.
My only hope is I will be surprised and see them at the play and it will prove this rant isn't as factual is it is now. But somehow I bet they will be home playing Battlefield 1942 and DAoC
It just pisses me off that people become so self absorbed with their own petty shit that they cant take into account what's important to their friends.
update 7/19/2012: Catholic Sin is one of the names I went by a long time ago, I thought I would clarify that now.