Lately

The last couple of weeks have been hard. Last Saturday was the one year anniversary of my father passing away and tomorrow is the anniversary of the funeral. Work has been super busy, deadlines coming up and I have turned down taking days off to keep on track… only to have my boss take the week off.

I finally have felt like I wanted to write more, lately I have been having memories of childhood and early adulthood experiences and I am worried about forgetting it. I am getting older (heading on to 46 soon) and I don’t want to lose the memories permanently.

Good news is we turned our book in for the accidentally gay blog. We are waiting to hear back, hopefully it will be soon.

One of the good things that have come out of this is learning how to organize a book. I have always wanted to write some sort of memoir (don’t worry I don’t think I will ever get money for it, not that big headed yet). My memories come in spurts though. So I think now I am just going to write up memories into this blog. I will also start a page and divide the page up between portions of my life (childhood, high school, early marriage, late marriage, etc). On that page I will track the different posts I do so I can build up an outline of my life.

Once that outline gets complete enough, maybe I will put it together.

I have a few other writing projects as well, along with some photography so we will see what will happen. As for photography itself we have been to a couple of different events, I will post galleries later ūüôā

Well that is it, talk later folks.

Meatloaf Experience Part 1

This is an abbreviated version, with how annoyed I am, I am sure I will post more on each detail in the future. I am going to break it up into readable parts though.

Background: First, as a bit of background I have grown up to the tunes of Meat Loaf. Yes, I like him, yes he does cause anxiety when I hear his music on occasion. He is a favorite singer my parents listened to, especially when they were on a full drunk binge. So while I like his music (a lot), it does give me a bit of hesitation to consider going to see him. However, I really do like his music.

Prologue:¬†About a month ago my brother asked me to go see Meat Loaf. I¬†explained I¬†wasn’t too sure due to money and the fact it was the weekend before Dying Light (combined with J and T’s wedding and them coming up the weekend before that and the DL¬†before that I¬†wont have a full weekend off in a month). So I¬†declined. I then get a call a week later from my parents. They were on a binge (its a lot rarer these days but it does still happen, at least my dad doesn’t go beat the crap out of cops anymore).¬† I¬†got a full night of calls from them pleading with me to go with my Brother and my Sister to see Meat Loaf, to do it “for them” since they aren’t able to go due to health reasons. I¬†eventually said fine. Now, I¬†am fine with seeing Meat Loaf, but I¬†knew then this wouldn’t end pretty and due to family guilt I¬†was trapped. However,¬†[livejournal.com profile] ethicalcannibal¬†avoided the situation and said no, however poor¬†[livejournal.com profile] finnegwyn¬†decided to come as moral support for me.

Event 1:¬†About two weeks ago we discover its more than the siblings and one friend/significant other. Another friend of my brother decides to come. We all hesitate, but fine, my brother’s friend has been around my family for 15 years and we know him so its good. Then about a week ago my brother’s friend’s girlfriend decides to come. Even more uncomfortable but fine. Then 4 days ago we find out that my brother’s GF has decided to ship all six of them from¬†Bellingham (the concert is in Snoqualmie, 120 miles from Bellingham, 50 miles from Everett). The plan is to meet at my house, go to IHOP¬†then head out.

THE DAY OF:

Event 2:¬†I¬†am waiting with¬†[livejournal.com profile] ethicalcannibal¬†for my family to arrive. Of course my wife isn’t going, but we are hanging.¬†[livejournal.com profile] talkswithwind¬†shows up to start working on boffer weapons (YAY!!). Finally¬†[livejournal.com profile] finnegwyn¬†shows up. I¬†find out my family is running late and so I¬†am a bit anxious. I¬†get a call at 2pm (the time they are supposed to be here)¬†from my sister. Evidently my brother’s girlfriend had rear-ended a suburban. No one was hurt, but the Taurus wasn’t drivable. I¬†go and ferry all six people to my house (it happened at exit 198, about 8 miles from my house)¬†in two loads.¬†

I should have stopped the whole situation here. There are nine people going, and only my car. I¬†shouldn’t have even allowed discussion on options. If I have learned something vital from this situation, its to not keep quiet. For the next two hours there is a weird on again/off again discussion of if we are going to drive them back to Bellingham or try to keep going to the concert. This included the idea that my brother’s friend’s girlfriend would go up to Bellingham, get her car, drive down and help haul everyone to the concert. When the concert was over we would both transport everyone to my house and then she would make two trips to Bellingham to drop everyone off. Something sounded off about this and more talk continued.¬†

I¬†do set up my brother and his girlfriend with my Triple AAA so they can tow the car back. The plan (after considering rentals, even of renting an U-Haul passenger van) was that two people would ride back with the Tow Truck driver, 1 would ride back with¬†[livejournal.com profile] talkswithwind¬†and the rest with me.This seems to be the decision and from what I¬†can see probably the best decision. Maybe we would go see “The Expendables” when we got up there.¬†

 

Yet…. as can be seen by the title, that was not the final bit (will continue on another post, so I¬†don’t kill you with too much text).

Sunday Update

 

I woke up this morning, and had a wonderful view of the sunshine. I wish I had a better camera, I think I really might love getting into photography, unfortunately this didn't catch how beautiful it was, but its a start.

This week has been hectic. I have only seen my wife  for two days up until the weekend. I spent most of my time working on the  magic rules for shadowrun as detailed in  . On Friday the dell technician was supposed to show up to fix my PC, but he no-showed so maybe he will show up Tuesday. The good news is that my PC is still under warranty (will need new MB and RAM), this means I do not have to get a macbookpro so quickly (will still want one).

Saturday we spent the day visiting my mother, her fourth of 18 weeks of chemo. It was rough on her, but it wasn't the chemo, it was the shot they gave her to keep her platlets up so she can keep taking the chemo. I baked her a peach custard pie (which I am going to have to post here) and sat with my parents for a couple hours. This week I also worked out a whole bunch. Our trainer ran us hard Wednesday, and then yesterday was even more intense. We worked for a half an hour on chest presses, bench presses, incline bench presses, decline bench presses. True, my capability is not what I would like, but he worked us hard. Then he worked us out for 30 minutes in the pool, swimming laps, crunches, water sprints. That truly was the ass kicker of the week, however it made me feel great (albeit tired). I think I am going to go swim laps starting later this week on top of weight lifting. I had not realized how much it hurt to do a single lap, that will definitely be a good overall workout.

I only have 7 more working days before I am done with Sultan. Then its one week at Everett, then two days in Olympia for training (and I am taking  with me, two days in a hotel with a pool). Then back to the city and county courthouses for another week. After that it will be three weeks of Coupeville over by Oak Harbor. That will suck, a 1.5-2 hour commute each way. The good thing is I will gain 2 hours of "exchange time" each day. By the end of three weeks I will have gained an extra 30 hours of basically vacation time. Well better get ready for the game, I will follow up with an after-game update tonight.

Frustrations

Well this wasn't the update I wanted to post, but its funny how things happen so close together.

First let me say I know my family loves me, I love them, but they are by far one of the most dysfunctional groups I have ever known. Lets give you a brief recap of my family before I vent.
 
Parents: Father is a Vietnam Vet with a long prison/police record for violence(but for the record never sexual/physicall abused us, and the name calling only happend when he was drunk). In my early life he worked constantly and did well, my last 20 years or so he became unfortunately a raging alcoholic who after getting put away for a DUI has been sober (from alcohol) for over 2 years. My mother is a sweetheart, never did anything bad except a constant habit of asking for stuff from me, but thats easily satisfied, she has been a good mother albeit now she has diabetes and had a heart attack last summer (but the doctors were surprised no damage and they dont think she will have any more problems, and this was a serious only 20% live heart attack she had). Unfortunatley my parents have done/sold/excessed every drug known to man.
 
Sister: Loves me, I know it, has two kids (one feral one not, the not one I am sure will be gay when he is 16). Followed my parents footsteps, is an alcoholic, cant keep a job and really only calls me for help.
 
Brother: Same as sister except he sometimes shows remarkable clarity and wants to clean his life up, biggest problem is he is a lazy ass who doesn't like to work.
 
By the way, in the 17 years I have worked on my own, I have never ever once asked my siblings for a dime, a ride or anything. NOT EVER. (and actually I have loaned my parents money 20 times more then I have ever gotten from them and same with rides/etc). Thats why this is so frustrating.
 
There is more about the family, but I realized that would take up way too much space.
 
So this morning I get up super early, my mom asked me to give her a ride over to the Salvation Army so they can pick up a chair, no problems, I don't mind doing that at all. So I get up super early, call them at the time I am supposed to be there because I have this sinking feeling that they are on a "run" (non alcoholic, but on other things, not meth though). My dad answeres the phone and immediately I know they are jagged and not going. He kinda rambles on about not needing me today and I quickly get off the phone because I hate talking to him when he is ramped up. My mom is asleep and she called later, everything is cool. So I got up early for nothing (albeit I have been working on MU's backend and its going to fucking rock). 
 
Ten minutes later I get a call from my sister. I was surprised and hopeful she just wanted to say hi. I should have known, her first words were, "Can I borrow $20 until tommorrow". I normally would probably do it, she is good at paying back usually but I am broke. I told her so and she accepted it gracefully but I could tell she didn't believe I was broke, so this frustrated me even more.
 
Five minutes after that I get a call from my brother. His first words are "What you doing today?" I explained that I am going to work (and I have a feeling he is going to ask for something). His next words are he needs me to come over and fix his computer. I tell him I would be happy to do that but it might be Saturday before I can come over (tonight when I get home from work I have to spend with wifey since she is off) and I am not sure if I will be able to make it over there later (he constantly nags me to give him things, fix his computer, etc and I just wasn't sure when I wanted to commit to going over there since thats all he usually wants from me). He has a fit and asks why cant I come over there after work tonight, I try to explain but he is still having a cow. I ask him "are you paying me to do this?" because now I am feeling taken advantage of, and he starts throwing a bigger hissy fit. Now after the previous two phone calls and his fit throwing I lose my temper and say "fix it yourself" and hang up. Of course he calls back, wondering if we are going to work things out I answer and he says "fine I will" and hangs up.
 
So, all three of my blood-family groups have been fucktards today (although my parents less so – they didn't say anything or do anything bad, they just didn't follow through). Why is it the only family around me that doesnt piss me off is my non-blood family whom I am feeling closer to then my blood.
 
on a side note, my mom just woke up and called me, my parents don't intentionally fuck around, just sometimes they get too "involved" in partying and fuck up. Things are good with them, but this is all just so frustrating.
 
Never have I ever asked my siblings for anything, its that much more frustrating (not a dime, not a ride, nothing)
 

Anxiety, Insomnia and a Weird day.

Well here it is, 4am and I have just woke up with an anxiety attack/weird dreams. Even though its about other things I am sure the anxiety attack/waking up/insomnia is because its awfully warm, because my caffiene addiction hasn't been satiated and because I am worried about my grades.

I had a weird day yesterday. Woke up from weird dreams, got up and puttered around the house with a food hangover and waited for my sister to show up to pick up the mattress. Of course she was  late but this was expected. She showed up with my little brother Derek and we commenced trying to move the queen size mattress into my sister's van. It was rather like keystone cops, the rain was pouring down, gusts of wind up to 45mph (not joking) and it took us over 20 minutes to get it into the van, in the end I got stuck between the seat and the van but managed to after some time slip out of the seat. Fortunately <lj site="livejournal.com" user="heresyoftruth"> was laughing too much to remember to get the camera until it was over.
 
So we traveled down to my parent's neighbor (who we are taking the mattress to for free just to get it out of my house). We spend another ten minutes wiggling it out of the van with much carnage and in the wind and rain we finally got it to our neighbor's porch. Right in front of our neighbor's porch is an extremely smooth area, my feet being wet made it a slippery ride and I ended up twisting my ankle (still hurts too).
 
Upon completion we went over to my parents for awhile, ankle hurting, cold, wet and rainy. Being a non-smoker of course all the smoke in the room came to me and  my allergies kicked up. Then me and  Derek decided to go see Gothika, we have my sister drop me and him off at the "mall" area (not an actual indoor mall, just where the theater, foodstore, rite-aid were). After going to the grocery store,  picking up snacks we went and bought tickets and waited in the lobby of the theater.We were told that the room wasn't ready yet and we waited, by the time the moview was supposed to start we had heard the movie place workers talking about blood, someone bleeding, they had called the cops, etc. It seemed like something was going down. About 10 minutes later as many people waited to go see the movie in the lobby they decided to cancel the movie. I was pretty unhappy due to the fact we had spent over an hour total waiting for the movie, we would have to wait another 30 minutes for the bus and then another 30 minute bus ride. What a waste of a day. We would have just gone to a later showing but we had a CS match that evening (last night, which we won by the way).
 
So fast forward us at the bus stop, we had been there over 15 minutes in the howling rain/wind. Then along comes two drunks. a drunk white guy and his Indian woman. So drunk off thier ass they could barely walk (and when they got to the bus stop they just reeked of alcohol and were drinking some Steel Reserve, nasty. Then I looked down and noticed the guy was bleeding like a stuck pig from his hand, I am not talking a little blood, seriously his white shoes were almost a solid red across the top of them. He refused to listen to his wife/girlfriend about covering the cut and he just tossed a large white set of tissues that were crimson over most of the tissues themselves. I asked them if they had been to the theater and they smiled and said yes, they went and saw Gothika earlier in the day. So here was the reason I had wasted almost an hour before the "Movie" and now another hour after the movie due to its being cancelled.
 
The bus arrived, Derek told the bus driver that the guy behind us was drunk and bleeding. She refused to let him on board and told him he needed to take care of a bleeding injury like that because it was a bio-hazard. I shit you not, he was still bleeding like a stuck pig (drinking alcohol tends to make you bleed more, guess he had a lot of alcohol). Well eventually he and his girlfriend left but the bus driver had to stay where she was while she cleaned up all the blood he had leaked on the front entrance to the bus (the hand rail, the steps, the door). So she was almost  15 minutes late getting back on route because of the same asshole that made me not see my movie. And people wonder why I dont drink.
 
Well later that night we played Counter-Strike as our first match known as the Bad News Bears (first 5v5 match at least) we won and that was good.
 
Then Derek (who was staying the night) found out my sister did have his money she borrowed but he had to go out to her, so he had to leave (and couldnt spend the night because of it) because my sister wont necessarily have the money if he waits. So it screws our plans up to see the movie. A perfect ending for a weird day full of disaster "Bradley Style".
 
You will notice that my post has become very short at the end of the last two paragraphs. Thats because I am now exhausted and am going back to bed and seeing if I can sleep a couple of hours.

Early Wakeup

Well woke up just before 5am, due to anxiety dreams about my parents getting old and dying (and me getting old and being alone). I been having these on and off all fall. I think its partially because I am not working and worried about money.

Partially I think my subconcious is mourning that I will never have kids. Dont get me wrong, I am totally happy with just me and the wife but society pounds the whole idea of must having kids into your head so much I think this is one of the reasons why I have the dreams.
 
I also believe its because of school. I am stressed about my math class, and I am stressed that this is taking so long. I am sooo tired of hours of study but not a dime in paycheck :).
 
The final reason I think I am getting the dreams is for the first time in over a decade my parents are taking care of themselves. Before this they always needed money, or help or something, but for the last 3 months they have been doing better then me and my wife. LOL its almost the same thing parents go through when thier kids dont need thier help, grow up and move away.
 
Nevermind me, just rambling.

WOOT

Well just had to post that my CS Team Innsmouth Taint had a solid victory last night (15-9) against another clan called Wasted. We had excellent CT's strats and decent T strats. In the end we had won about halfway through the second half so then we ended up just playing for fun (we had already reached 13 round wins) so our score would have been better but for the last 5 rounds we just screwed around.

I got a good feeling, honestly I didn't expect us to win because the whole team had not practiced together at all and a couple members (me included) have only played an hour or two at the most in the previous week. It just gelled together well.
 
I had a different clan mate scold me for not having our team practice but honestly I dont care if my team wins or losses (I normally am always stuck on the "bad news bears" of whatever league I play in) I am just happy to play. I think our overall relaxed attitude is what helped us because in the beginning Wasted started winning but it didn't bother us and soon we were taking the rounds. Sorry it probably seems lame to most of you to joyously be happy, but I am old and this is my only recreation ūüôā
 
WOOOT
 
On other news my father goes in for neck surgery today. They have to carve a hunk of hip bone off of him to replace a vertebrae. Now I know working in the medical field that this is a standard procedure but it still tweaks me out. I will go to my two classes today and then head straight over to the hospital. I really would just like a whole day off, yesterday was one of my long school days (8 hours) then I had to go to my niece's 6th birthday party then I had a clan match then I had to do a ton of homework, now today is starting out just as busy, this sucks.