Freaked out would be an understatement. I am sorry to everyone who has to read this. I hate bitching about my situation but I am pretty worried about my mother.
For those of you that don't know I got a call at 7am this morning. My mother had a major heart attack, after hours of tracking down where her and my father were we met up. She seems pretty happy, in good spirits and pretty positive.
Here is the problem, she is a patient at the Doctors office I work for, he wanted to check on her and we found out that her heart CK was 1438, the normal range is 24-170, anything above that is major damage. That means her CK was 20+ times bigger then average which signifies a huge amount of possible heart damage. The kind that can easily have people die shortly therafter to complications or to a second heart attack (actually the fact that she survived the first attack was due to the uncharacteristic showing of her heart attack, she had an attack like a man. Most women when they have heart attacks think they have backaches, she had a full on chest crimping pain).
Now, the numbers indicate a very very grim situation, but the Cardio unit my mom is in thinks she might be released tommorrow and the cardio tech watching her heart says she has a lot of optimism. Now my mother hasn't been able to talk to the heart doc but then again neither have we. So on one hand we have a Cath lab that says she is in gravest of situations and on the other hand it seems like the worst is over. Either way I won't find out until 7am tommorrow when the doctor does his rounds (I am going in to talk and sit with her at 630am). I am damn worried about losing her, not only that but it wouldn't be long until my father would become "crazy vietnam vet guy" and probably not live long after her. I am worried about losing my mother and the possibility of my father.
I feel inside this is doubly unfair since they have had alcohol problems for the first 30 years of my life (worse as I got older) and for the last two they have been sober, its almost as if whatever greater power is out there is using them like a carrot to dangle in front of me, saying now that they are happy and sober I am not allowed to have a relationship with them.
Sorry, freaked out, worrying and ranting. I will stop now.
I just hope my mother is ok.